Words of Wisdom ----

 

Money is not everything...

There's MasterCard & Visa!

 

One should love animals...

They are so tasty!

 

Save water...

Shower with your girl friend!

 

Love thy neighbor...

But don't get caught!

 

Behind every successful man, there is a woman...

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!

 

Every man should marry...

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

 

Wise men never marry...

And, when they marry they become otherwise.

 

Children in backseats cause accidents...

Accidents in backseats cause children!

 

"Hard work never killed anybody..."

But why take the risk!

 

"Work fascinates me!"

I can look at it for hours!!

 

God made relatives...

Thank God we can choose our friends.

 

The more you learn, the more you know...

The more you know, the more you forget!

The more you forget, the less you know...

So... why learn?!

 

Love is photogenic...

It needs darkness to develop!

LOVE

LOVE

 

Love hurts;

It causes great pain.

 

Love also heals;

But leaves behind a stain.

 

Long live love;

Forever it may last.

 

Love dies

And becomes a thing of the past.

 

Love kills;

Till death do us part.

 

Love breaks

Everyone's heart.

 

Love warps

The reality we know.

 

Love hides

The reality that doesn't show.

 

Love confuses

Leaving us in confusion

 

Love is deceiving

It's one big delusion

 

Love is a dream

Until we wake

 

Love is real

Our hearts ache

 

Love is a mystery

That can't be solved.

 

Love is a problem

That is never resolved.

   

Love makes you think

In strange, but wonderful ways 

 

Love can be temporary

Lasting only for days

 

Love can be permanent

Up to death

 

Love has side-effects

Like shortness of breath

 

Love is weird

It makes no sense

 

Love is nerve-racking

It makes you tense

 

Love is found

In an unusual place

 

Love is lost

And leaves no trace

 

Love is for everyone

And no one at all

 

Love is for the short

And for the tall

 

Love is for the fat

And also the thin

 

Love is a game

You cannot win

  

Love is for the good

And it's for the bad

 

Love is hard on your sanity

It can drive you mad

 

 

Love is for me

Love is for you

And with love

You won't know what's true

Top excuses if found asleep at your Desk...

Top excuses if found asleep at your Desk...

 

"Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!"

 

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

 

"This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"

 

"Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."

 

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

 

"Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

 

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

 

"I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

 

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

 

"It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"

 

"Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!"

 

"I was working smarter-not harder."

 

"Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

 

"I'm in the management training program."

 

"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

 

"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

 

"It's okay... I'm still billing the client."

 

And the #1 response if found asleep at your desk:
"...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss,
Amen!"       

A Story about Embarrassing Moments

Embarrassing Moments

 

The Board Meeting had come to an end.  Bob started to stand up and jostled the table, spilling his coffee over his notes.  "How embarrassing. I am
getting so clumsy in my old age."   Everyone had a good laugh, and soon we
were all telling stories of our most embarrassing moments. It came around to Frank who sat quietly listening to the others.
 
Someone said, "Come on, Frank. Tell us your most embarrassing moment."
    
Frank laughed and began to tell us of his childhood. "I grew up in San Pedro.  My Dad was a fisherman, and he loved the sea.  He had his own boat, but it was hard making a living on the sea.  He worked hard and would stay out until he caught enough to feed the family.  Not just enough for our family, but also for his Mom and Dad and the other kids that were still at home."

 

He looked at us and said, "I wish you could have met my Dad.  He was a big man, and he was strong from pulling the nets and fighting the seas for his catch.  When you got close to him, he smelled like the ocean. He would wear his old canvas, foul-weather coat and his bibbed overalls.  His rain hat would be pulled down over his brow. No matter how much my Mother washed them, they would still smell of the sea and of fish."

 

Frank's voice dropped a bit.  "When the weather was bad he would drive me to school.  He had this old truck that he used in his fishing business.
That truck was older than he was.  It would wheeze and rattle down the road.  You could hear it coming for blocks. As he would drive toward the school, I would shrink down into the seat hoping to disappear.  Half the time, he would slam to a stop and the old truck would belch a cloud of smoke.  He would pull right up in front, and it seemed like everybody would be standing around and watching. Then he would lean over and give me a big kiss on the cheek and tell me to be a good boy.  It was so embarrassing for me.  Here, I was twelve years old, and my Dad would lean over and  kiss me goodbye!"

 

He paused and then went on, "I remember the day I decided I was too old for a goodbye kiss.  When we got to the school and came to a stop,he had his usual big smile. He started to lean toward me, but I put my hand up and said, ''No,  Dad.''  It was the first time I had ever talked to him that way, and he had this surprised look on his face." I said, "Dad, I'm too old for a goodbye kiss.  I'm too old for any kind of kiss."

 

"My Dad looked at me for the longest time, and his eyes started to tear up.
I had never seen him cry. He turned and looked out the windshield."

 

"You're right," he said. "You are a big boy....a man.  I won't kiss you anymore."

 

Frank got a funny look on his face, and the tears began to well up in his eyes, as he spoke.  "It wasn't long after that when my Dad went to sea and never came back.  It was a day when most of the fleet stayed in, but not Dad.  He had a big family to feed. They found his boat adrift with its nets half in and half out.  He must have gotten into a gale and was trying to save the nets and the floats."
    
I looked at Frank and saw that tears were running down his cheeks. 

LIFE IS LIKE THE FALLING RAIN

Just like falling drops cannot be caught in a grip,

similarly Life cannot be confined to a grip.

The more you try to catch it the more it slips away.

Like the sand slips away, opportunities go by.

Everyone enjoys the Rain everyone wants to enjoy Life!

But can you wait for the same chance to come twice?

 

Rains go and come but does Life do the same??

NO!!! Opportunities, friends once lost can never be

repeated as seasons do. You can feel the Rain on

your face – hitting you across the face like needles

during a thunderstorm. No one complains about it

then why complain if Life does the same?

When one can enjoy Rains as such then why not

accept Life with its pains and gains. Rain comes

and goes, you can’t stop it then why try stopping Life?

 

 

Life is a pain, Life is a gain,
Life spent is not in vain.

 

Life is short, Life is sweet,
Life brings opportunities and moments sour.
Life is spent by minutes and hours.

 

Rain is seasonal, coming every year,
Life is just once, never again.

 

Life is a web of pains and gains,
Rain is simple and just plain.

 

Getting wet is enjoyment in Rain
But Life will always be a pain.

 

Life has its share of glory and fame,
Life has its own hall of fame.

 

So come, lets enjoy this Life and its gains,
Come my friends get wet in this Rain!!

 

  

 

  
 

Lessons On Life

Lessons on Life

 

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly.

So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

 

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

 

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

 

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

 

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

 

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons  are up.

 

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the ! beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't  judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

TRUST....

A little girl and her father were crossing a flimsy bridge. The father was
kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my
hand so that you don't fall into the river."

 

The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."

 

"What's the difference?" asked the puzzled father.

 

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand
and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if
you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will
never let my hand go."

 

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind , age, caste or
creed but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather
than expecting them to hold urs..

Live a happier life

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

 

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. If you really need a grouch, there are probably a few dozen of your relatives to do the job.

 

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Just never let the brain idle.

 

4. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive laughter.

 

5. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.

 

6. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

 

7. Cherish your health. If it is good,preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

 

8. Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country , but not guilt.

 

9. Tell the people you love, that you love them, at every opportunity . Remember, Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

 

10. Just be yourself and enjoy it.

This is happening in our life.

1. When in college !!
Hum honge kaamiyaab,
Hum honge kaamiyaab ek din.....
 
2. when giving interview to Multi National Company

 

Tu hi re.. Too hi ree.
tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn....
 
 
3. waiting for interview result!!
Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki..
aayinaaa kuch khabar mere yaarki...
 
 
4. just joined
Too cheez bhadi hai mast mast.....
 
 
5. after some time...
Ye kahaan aagaye hum??
 
 
6. After some more time...
Naa koyi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai, meri jindagi kya ek kati
Pathang hai (booohoooo)
 
 
7. floating the resume
kabootar ja ja ja...
kabootar ja ja ja...
 
 
8. finally when you don't get a better offer any longer
Jeena yehaan, marna yehaan
Iske siwa jaana kahan... 

"Main Qaidi Number 786,

VEER-ZARA Film to dekhi hogi? Film ke end mein jab

VEER (Shahrukh Khan) buddha ho jata hai, to aik khoobsurat poem

mein apna haal sunata hai "Main Qaidi Number 786,

Jail ki salakhon se bahar deikhta hoon".

Akhir mein uski ZARA ke sath shadi ho jati hai aur film khatam hoti hai.

Leikin is ke baad VEER (Shahrukh Khan) kya kehta hai?

Wo Hazir khidmet hey......

 

 

Main Shohar Number 420
Khirki se bahar deikhta hoon
larkiyon se bhari college ki Bus,
jab unhain chor k jaati hai
aik larki jo paros mein rehti hai,
mere saamne aati hai
khud ko Samiya kehti hai
mujhe Uncle bulati hai
aisi pariyon ko deikh kar,
bahar jaane ko jee karta hai
khirki se neeche kood kar,
hath milane ko jee karta hai
Apni Biwi ko chor kar,
bhaag jaane ko jee karta hai
Wo kehte hain uska Bhai tandrust hai bohat
phir bhi maar khane ko jee karta hai
wo kehte hain ab kuch hath nahin aaye ga
phir bhi kuch paane ko jee karta hai.

EYES......... Lovely eyes

Did You Know?Eyes Are the most complex organs you possess except for your brain.Eyes Are composed of more than two million working parts.Eyes Can process 36,000 bits of information every hour.Eyes Under the right conditions, can discern the light of a candle at adistance of 14 miles.Eyes Contribute towards 85% of your total knowledge.Eyes Utilize 65% of all the pathways to the brain.Eyes Can instantaneously set in motion hundreds of muscles and organs inyour body.Eyes In a normal life-span, will bring you almost 24 million images of theworld around you.Eyes The external muscles that move the eyes are the strongest muscles inthe human body for the job that they have to do.They are 100 times more powerful than they need to be.Eyes The adult eyeball measures about 1 inch (2.5 cm) in diameter. Of itstotal surface area only one-sixth is exposed -- the front portion.Eyes The eye is the only part of the human body that can function at 100%ability at any moment, day or night, without rest.
Your eyelids need rest, the external muscles of your eyes need rest, thelubrication of your eyes requires replenishment, but your eyes themselves "never" need rest. But please rest them!Eyes are your most precious sense... care for them properly!

My Love R.....

(image placeholder)
Everyday I write you love letters in my mindwhen I am with you, I can never findthe words to tell you what’s in my heart.even though I don’t always share my feelings, I hope you know my heart is full of love for you.

Poem

Luminous veils of fog
Lay motionless in the
Deeper hollows of the forest
Where the long departed night
Has discarded them.
Stories they shield
Lending a cover
To shameful bits...

Runaway lovers
Hide in the enveloping arms.
The beauty is magnified
By radiating smiles.
A sin to many,
For them an existence
None could reach.

They did not belong
In the midst of ancient trees,
Nor among the greens that
Hung down to meet
The wet earth,
Sprawled over lonely spears
Of wild flowers,
But there they were
Content and invisible
To the rest of the world.

Jokes

Green,Pink,Yellow

An english man and a desi man were both going to a interview.

They were asked to use the colours green. pink and yellow.

The english man goes in and says the grass is green,

the sun is yellow and the sunset is pink. The desi man goes in and says my phone goes green green i pink it up and i say yellow!!

 

Just Before I Die

Showing his friend around his home, Jennings pointed

out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired

over their long years of marriage.

"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece

we've got just to see how much it's all worth."

"Well," his friend replies, "since you couldn't possibly

know the day before you were going to die, you'll never

be able to sell!"

"And that's where you're wrong," the man smiled.

"If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"

 

BILLO & TILLO

Two friends Billooo & Tillooo went to school for appearing in English exam (7th standard). They had crammed an essay of "MY BEST FRIEND". But unfortunately, in the question-paper it was written ...... write an essay on "MY FATHER? in just 30-45 words .So Billooo was utterly confused & nervous ...what to do!!! Tillooo gave an idea . . . . Just write the essay My best friend & just keep on replacing the word friend with the father..... So this was how Billooo & Tillooo wrote the essay "MY FATHER"......Fathers & fathers are everywhere, but good fathers are very rare. I have so many fathers, but my best father is pyarelal. He is my neighbour. He often comes to my home & my mother likes him very much.

What your Birth month means

What your Birth month means

JANUARY * Ambitious and serious * Loves to teach and be taught * Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses * Likes to criticize * Hardworking and productive * Smart, neat and organized * Sensitive and has deep thoughts * Knows how to make others happy * Quiet unless excited or tensed * Rather reserved * Highly attentive * Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds * Romantic but has difficulties expressing love * Loves children * Homely person * Loyal * Needs to improve social abilities * Easily jealous

 

FEBRUARY
* Abstract thoughts
* Loves reality and abstract
* Intelligent and clever
* Changing personality
* Temperamental
* Quiet, shy and humble
* Low self esteem
* Honest and loyal
* Determined to reach goals
* Loves freedom
* Rebellious when restricted
* Loves aggressiveness
* Too sensitive and easily hurt
* Showing anger easily
* Dislike unnecessary things
* Loves making friends but rarely shows it
* Daring and stubborn
* Ambitious
* Realizing dreams and hopes
* Sharp
* Loves entertainment and leisure
* Romantic on the inside not outside
* Superstitious and ludicrous
* Spendthrift
* Learns to show emotions

Factory Visit

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.

 The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide.

“The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured.

The machine makes a “Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop” noise. “Wait a minute!” says the man

taking the tour. “I understand what the ‘hiss, hiss,’ is, but what’s that ‘pop’ every so often?”

“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide.

It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”

“Well, that can’t be good for the condoms!”

“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”

9 Gifts That Do Not Cost A Cent

9 Gifts That Do Not Cost A Cent

 

1) THE GIFT OF LISTENING...
But you must REALLY listen.  No interrupting, no daydreaming,
no planning your response.  Just listening.

2) THE GIFT OF AFFECTION...
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses,
pats on the back and handholds.
  Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.

3) THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER...
Email funpages to your friends.  Share articles and funny stories. 
 Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

 


4) THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE...
It can be a simple "Thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet.
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime,
and may even change a life.


5) THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT...
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red,"
"You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal"
can make someone's day.

6) THE GIFT OF A FAVOR...
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind.

 

7) THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE...
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone.
 Be sensitive to those times
and give the gift of solitude to others.

8) THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION...
The easiest way to feel good is to
 extend a kind word to someone,
really it's not that hard to say, "Hello" or "Thank You".

9) THE GIFT OF SALVATION .. 

In order to receive this most wonderful of all gifts,

Joke Of The Day

A man came into a shop with a ‘Salesman Wanted’ sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said,

“I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b.” “I don’t know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment,” said the owner.

“I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!” said the man.

“O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them.” said the owner.

So the man went out and came back an hour later. “H-here-sss your m-m-money.” said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, “Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money.”

The owner said, “This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?”

“W-welllll,” said the man, “I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say ‘H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m’me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?”

 

 

When Life is Low

When Life Is Low...

 

When the days are most black, light a candle.

When your heart hurts from thoughts, dream it be better.

If love escapes and you find not a reason for its return,

Open your eyes and witness how falling tears churn.

 

 

When you find yourself lying in bed with no will to wake,

Think of all the good and love that in this cold world you could make.

If your bones ache and eyes continuously water,

Remember that for us all too, life day by day gets harder.

 

Now stand with strong feet and grip life with soft palms,

Sooner or later our panic heart and worried mind would in time calm.

Gaze your bright eyes towards heaven’s gates and speak of its glory,

For each soul in this cursed world holds of their own horrifying sad story.

Intesting Law

Number 10: Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following
Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a
mortal sin to eat its flesh." (umm OK, I'm sure the lamb appreciates
that one)

Number 9: In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with
animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with
a male animal is punishable by death. (OK, like THAT makes sense…)

Number 8: In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's
genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the
examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Ouch!)

Number 7: Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse.
This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must
be covered with a brick or a piece of wood at all times. (…a brick?)

Number 6: The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is capitation.
(Wonder how they enforce that one?)

Number 5: There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege
of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is
expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Now let's just think for a
minute…is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes
close to this?)

Number 4: In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (The
husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner
desired. COOL)

Number 3: Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only
in tropical fish stores. (Of course!)

Number 2: In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex
with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (We have to presume
this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law…)

And the wierdest law in the world is…

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the
first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the
act. (I shudder at the thought. How many of us would be virgins
today?)