Southern Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they  aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town 
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman  to
the stand.  He approached her and asked,  "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" 
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you,  Mr. Williams.  I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly,  you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and  you manipulate people and
talk about them behind their backs. You think  you're a big shot when you
haven't the brains to realize you never will  amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know  you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not  knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones,  do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied,  "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's  lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking  problem.
He can't build a normal  relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst  in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three  different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I 
know him."

 

The defense attorney almost died.

 

The judge asked both  counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either  of you bastards asks her if she knows
me, I'll throw your  sorry asses in jail for  contempt."